Hatam Soferet

The Boyfriend sent me this link and now I can't close the browser tab. YES I DARE YOU TO CLICK ON IT and tell me how YOU'D deal with the situation.

Today contained me saying to a young man I'd just met: "If you take your pants off, we can get on with the next part of the program."

This does not usually happen.

Actually, we'd been helping a mutual friend move house, and he'd torn his trousers in the process, so I traded work with him - he'd help me schlep the bedframe I was buying of Madame Moving, and I would fix his trousers. So in context it makes sense, and he skulked modestly in the bathroom until they were done, but still. What a line, eh?

Shabbat featured chocolate trifle. Stale Oreos from a beach trip a couple of weeks back, some extremely indifferent peaches that'd been lurking in the fridge - add a packet of chocolate pudding, a packet of frozen raspberries, and a pint of whipped cream, and this yumminess resulted. I think it could have used some alcohol, but otherwise it was very good.

Poor Sofer Boyfriend. Visiting for Shabbat (the bread turned out SO perfect, my goodness; I'd give you the recipe if I could, but it was rather along the lines of "chuck a bit more flour in...hmm...yeah...bit more...okay, that feels about right - do they look baked yet? GO POPPY SEEDS)...

...anyway, visiting for Shabbat, and afflicted by Horrible Allergies, red eyes, sneezing - I mean, I knew he got sick whenever he left Manhattan, but this is Riverdale, it's practically Manhattan, and anyway he's been here before...

...anyway, we decided he must be allergic to the cats; lots of people have cat allergies.

Course, I don't have cats, but when did that stop us? The solution was obviously to get rid of the cats. So (after Boyfriend had gone off to Steven's, where he was sleeping), I opened the window (the door had been open all evening, as it is whenever Boyfriend is here; perhaps that is how the cats got in?), and after a while the cats must have left, because at some point there were certainly no cats in the apartment.

I think the cats must have gone down onto the fire escape and had a furniture-building party, because Mr Downstairs was afflicted by banging and hammering in the middle of the night. He let me know about this in no uncertain fashion this morning, which is how I know. The flaw in this line of reasoning is that there is no furniture on the fire-escape this morning.

Poor Sofer Boyfriend was also afflicted at Steven's, though. Steven theoretically doesn't have cats either, so perhaps the cats from the fire escape went and visited Steven after they were done waking up Mr Downstairs.

This all leaves poor Boyfriend with an Ambiguous Allergy, thus - we have used logic and reasoning to diagnose a Fantastical Cat Allergy. That is to say, a (Fantastical Cat) Allergy, not a Fantastical (Cat Allergy). He will have to remember to take quantities of parentheses around with him, as well as Benadryl.

I am entirely, utterly, staying-up-past-bedtime captivated by Look Around You, a cross between the Schools Television of my youth and 1066 And All That.

They're all on YouTube. Oh, am I happy.

My boyfriend tells me bedtime stories* about biblical grammar. Isn't that lovely?

* Not in my bed, that is to say. On Gchat, at bedtime.

The offices of Dr Robert Morrow, of Riverdale, are staffed by idiots who can't follow simple instructions.

Since January of 2008, we've been having the following conversation:

Me: My insurance is XYZ. Bill them for this visit.

Them: We billed Insurance 123 and they will not pay. You owe us $100.

Me: That is because my insurance is XYZ, not 123. Bill insurance XYZ.

Them: Oh, okay. The last girl who worked here was a bit of a ditz.

Months pass.

Them: We billed Insurance 123 and they will not pay. You owe us $100.

Me: That is because my insurance is XYZ, not 123. Bill insurance XYZ.

Them: Oh, okay.

Months pass.

Them: We billed Insurance 123 and they will not pay. You seriously owe us $100. Pay up or we will set the dogs debt collectors on you.

Me: What part of "bill XYZ not 123" do you not understand?

Them: Oh, we need to bill XYZ? Sorry, the last girl who worked here was a bit of a ditz.

Months pass.

Them: We billed Insurance 123 and they will not pay. You owe us $100.

Me:...

Insurance: Claim denied. Reason: Claim Not Filed By Filing Deadline.

It infuriates me - INFURIATES ME - that I pay $370 a month in health insurance plus office visit fees to enable this kind of idiocy.

Is there an adult way of saying to the office "Don't even THINK about trying to bill me for this. This is COMPLETELY YOUR OWN FUCKING FAULT and if you try to lay this one on me I am probably going to come up to your stupid office and scream and throw things"?

So yeah. Dr Morrow of Riverdale. Office of fools. You'll probably go in for antibiotics and he'll cut your foot off. Steer clear.

I use ringbritain.com to call home. This is a cheer for them, following fantastically efficient customer service experience this morning. Really remarkably efficient. And it's a pretty decent service, on the whole - sensible user-friendly setup, low rates. Sometimes the calls drop or fail to connect, but for low rates I'm willing to put up with that now and again.

Recommended.

thank you for the sympathy, people

I can almost approach the sink without shuddering now.