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I've spent most of my life thus far internalising the message that the more invisible I am, the better. The less I exist, the more I'll be loved. I'm a Girl; my place is to fit quietly into the blanks, take up no space, and wait to be loved, and the less space I take up, the more lovable I am.
What's not okay, ever, is demanding attention. Even to the degree of saying "I would like" or "I need," and certainly not to the extent of expressing anger or boundaries. Nice girls don't go around asserting themselves at people. Taking up space isn't feminine. When you take up space, you're putting yourself forward and Not Being A Good Girl.
Taking up space is what Unwomanly Women do. Nice Girls squash themselves into the smallest volume possible.
Similarly: feminine, attractive, desirable women are thin. Fat is bad. Nice Girls reduce themselves as much as possible, emotionally and physically. The less you impose yourself on people, the more you'll be loved. The more you lessen yourself, the more feminine you are. If you're thinner than thin, you'll be super-feminine and super-lovable.
Since of course the ideal is the woman who exists only to tend her men's egos, who has no needs or desires to get in the way of that, who does not do inconvenient things like assert herself, it follows that you can never be too thin.
If you are happy with your body, that's basically the same thing as saying it's okay to exist. It's okay to have boundaries. It's okay to assert yourself. It's okay to want things, to get angry about things, to have opinions about things.
And, good grief, if you're fat and actually okay with that, that's almost like saying it's okay to take up more space than other people! It might even mean that you're one of those women who puts herself forward, heaven forbid. Who puts herself first. Can you imagine anything more unfeminine? Ugh.
You see, even though we're nominally a more-or-less egalitarian society, really we still find assertive women pretty scary. Men are allowed to get angry. Women aren't. Men are allowed to have desires (particularly for food). Women aren't. Men are allowed to be sexually forward. Women aren't.
Except that, unaccountably, women keep getting the wrong idea and taking up space. But it's okay, because even though it's not politically correct any more to ridicule assertive women, it's okay to ridicule fat women. Women who enjoy premarital sex don't get locked up in asylums any more, but doctors are still allowed to tell shapely women they're the wrong shape. And so is everyone else.
It's still okay to tell women they need to reduce themselves. It's okay to tell women they should exist less. Just make like you're talking about their bodies and not about their beings. They'll get the message.
What's not okay, ever, is demanding attention. Even to the degree of saying "I would like" or "I need," and certainly not to the extent of expressing anger or boundaries. Nice girls don't go around asserting themselves at people. Taking up space isn't feminine. When you take up space, you're putting yourself forward and Not Being A Good Girl.
Taking up space is what Unwomanly Women do. Nice Girls squash themselves into the smallest volume possible.
Similarly: feminine, attractive, desirable women are thin. Fat is bad. Nice Girls reduce themselves as much as possible, emotionally and physically. The less you impose yourself on people, the more you'll be loved. The more you lessen yourself, the more feminine you are. If you're thinner than thin, you'll be super-feminine and super-lovable.
Since of course the ideal is the woman who exists only to tend her men's egos, who has no needs or desires to get in the way of that, who does not do inconvenient things like assert herself, it follows that you can never be too thin.
If you are happy with your body, that's basically the same thing as saying it's okay to exist. It's okay to have boundaries. It's okay to assert yourself. It's okay to want things, to get angry about things, to have opinions about things.
And, good grief, if you're fat and actually okay with that, that's almost like saying it's okay to take up more space than other people! It might even mean that you're one of those women who puts herself forward, heaven forbid. Who puts herself first. Can you imagine anything more unfeminine? Ugh.
You see, even though we're nominally a more-or-less egalitarian society, really we still find assertive women pretty scary. Men are allowed to get angry. Women aren't. Men are allowed to have desires (particularly for food). Women aren't. Men are allowed to be sexually forward. Women aren't.
Except that, unaccountably, women keep getting the wrong idea and taking up space. But it's okay, because even though it's not politically correct any more to ridicule assertive women, it's okay to ridicule fat women. Women who enjoy premarital sex don't get locked up in asylums any more, but doctors are still allowed to tell shapely women they're the wrong shape. And so is everyone else.
It's still okay to tell women they need to reduce themselves. It's okay to tell women they should exist less. Just make like you're talking about their bodies and not about their beings. They'll get the message.