Went to put in a half-hour excavating the squirrel-shit fuggable mountain of horror that lives in our shed.

There's a shelf, about my eye level. There's some kind of cat litter spilled all over it, the organic sort that's made out of old sandwiches or something, I don't fucking know. I went to sweep it into a garbage bag.

Pulled a big leaky bag of the stuff down and stared at the layer that was left on the shelf.

Because it was MOVING. And RUSTLING. There was a pen lying on top of the cat litter, and the pen was jiggling up and down. Just slowly, but just enough. You ever watch cat litter and see it heave? You don't wanna.

You guys, that cat litter was full of the biggest fucking maggots you ever saw. Some of those bastards were more than an inch long. That's almost three centimetres, for those who need to think about huge maggots in metric.

FUCKING WALKING AROUND IN THIS FUCKING CAT LITTER JUST BEING ALL HEY MAN STOP MESSING WITH OUR HOME

FUCKING ENORMOUS MAGGOTS RIGHT AT MY FUCKING EYE LEVEL

Fortunately Uri David came out at that point to tell me it was time to stop for Shabbat, or I might have stood transfixed in horror until night, and then I would have been IN A DARK SHED WITH ENORMOUS MAGGOTS.

I don't think we'll have to move house over this; it may be sufficient just to burn the shed to the ground. After Shabbat. If the maggots don't rise up in a body and come and invade the house in protest at having their habitat disturbed.

SHABBAT SHALOM, YO.
ajollypyruvate: (Default)

From: [personal profile] ajollypyruvate


Fire and lots of it! A gallon or five of HF acid, because merely salting that ground isn't going to be enough. Possibly a religious authority figure of your choosing to perform the ritual that will make sure the damned thing stays down.
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February 2017

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